I had the best conversation with a true woman of God! Her name is Rachel Elizabeth Murray. She's a personal trainer and a competition coach. If you've ever been through trauma, need healing, or if you've been hiding your pain with fitness goals keep reading!
The healthiest industry isn't getting any healthier. But why? Rachel’s theory makes so much sense and she shared it will me! It's neglecting the source of health and fitness. The truth is, looks can be deceiving. You can look super healthy, even super hot while burying trauma disorders and spiritual atrophy. Let’s dive into my conversation with Rachel Elizebeth!
“I experienced sexual abuse in college, and the only thing I knew to turn to was running as some form of fitness because I had grown up in sports that became very destructive. And I mean, destructive like I was running up to like 10-13 miles a day. I ran until my legs wouldn't work and I would have to take a bus home. I was running away and honestly, I started running because I remembered that sports made me feel better or feel something. I didn't know how to deal with the sexual trauma, so I ran.
It made me numb I numbed out to the bad stuff. But I also numbed out to the good stuff. Running became an immediate outlet for that. I was raised in a Christian home. It was a beautiful foundation, but I had no idea that Jesus was actually interested in my personal life. I thought that I was saved and I was going to heaven. But I had no experience or no encounter no revelation of the reality of the fact that Jesus is alive now.”
Out of college, I had a lot of success as a fitness model.
“In all this success, I still hadn't figured out how to deal with what I was burying - the sexual abuse. And at the same time, I was doing really well. It was really easy to not think about it. I know God works through everything. He was still working in my life behind the scenes, but I just was not looking for him at all. I was busy having my ungodly relationships and sex, drugs, and alcohol, you name it. Whatever, to hide and bury what I was thinking and feeling and anything like that.
So there was a day in June, well it was like more like a week or two, where I noticed, I had all these streams of income. So a few dried up. I thought, it’s okay I have a few backups, right? Well, they dried up at the same time. And I was like, no, no, I am doing everything right. I had my identity wrapped around my income 100%. I had this moment, I was alone in my apartment, it was important to note that it was a studio apartment on the seventh floor of an apartment building in downtown Seattle. I started basically laying out this complaint to God because I was like, well, I've done everything right. It must be his fault. I kept asking why aren't you blessing me?
In the middle of listing off these things, the audible voice of God interrupted me. Wow, shook my room, I thought there was an earthquake. This is why it's important that I was in this building. I literally expected everyone in my apartment building to run to my apartment, and be like, What are you doing there? I even checked the news later to see if there was an earthquake and there was not.
But I was sitting on a bar height table. And after that experience, I was on the floor. I don't remember falling or getting down to the floor, but I was on the floor. And I immediately wow, like that voice. I was in the middle of listing these things off and the voice goes, you didn't do any of that. It was equal parts terror and the most loved I've ever felt in my life. I was completely humbled that like it wasn’t Him…it was me.”
“I would love to tell you that it all happened immediately, but there was definitely a process and I'm still in process for some things. But I will say that there are moments that are absolutely possible. I've personally experienced miraculous moments where God can step in and completely transform you in a moment.
What happened at that moment is I realized He is real and I had this insatiable hunger for the Word of God. And over the next six months of devouring his word, I found out that he actually wasn't who I thought he was, meaning - I thought he was some big dude in heaven, like his arms crossed, totally disgusted by me, because of what had happened was, I was sexually abused in college, but that, that turned into a cycle of trauma. And so I've put myself back in situations to get sexually abused again.
So these, these choices happened over and over again, where of course rape isn't your choice. There were definitely things that were 100% not my fault that I thought they were. And on the other hand, there were definitely things that I chose to do.
So what happened in that journey is that I thought he was disgusted by me. And he's literally sitting there being like, baby girl, you are innocent. And I'm like, what? Like, I'll cry every time because I know what I did. I know what happened to me. Yes, that's not my fault. My testimony is a journey. But I really want to emphasize that there was a point where God completely met me and completely, like, radically healed me from PTSD. There were so many years where I went, where, after trauma where I couldn't hear the word rape. I couldn't. And I apologize to any of you listening who are hearing me say that and are triggered by it.
I moved to LA and I thought it was for business but God had other plans. He took me through this four-year period of time. I didn't date for nine months, one of those years, I went through a deep depression where I was basically going through this battle of my mind to take back my mind, where I put the truth of Scripture on little post-it notes all over my kitchen. Because when you know the truth, it'll set you free.”
“During that four-year period, I took that break from relationships and really spent that time alone with the Lord. And then at the end of that period, when he kind of gave me like a green light to try dating again, I met a really great Christian guy, who, of course, like after trauma, you need an actual good guy, like he's my husband wasn't the case.
But while we were dating, he brought me to a church. In LA it was a brand new church. It was a church plant. And they were the first church that I'd ever been to that really emphasized the ministry, the Holy Spirit. At that church, I was baptized in the Holy Spirit. I received my gift of speaking in tongues. Again, I don't think that's necessary for salvation, but it is absolutely a gift.
I was introduced to a ministry that is facilitated by the Holy Spirit. Its Inner Healing Ministry Called On Restoring The Foundations, there are a bunch of them, but the one I went through was restoring the foundations. It's a prayer ministry. And I did this session where I just want to take all the like, woowoo creepy out of it, if you're thinking that at all, literally just walked through this session that was scripture-based, where we just left a room for Holy Spirit to minister in between questions. It was so beautiful and so gentle that it was like a three-hour session, where Holy Spirit brought me back to certain memories and showed me where Jesus was. Because Jesus was always with you. Before you knew Jesus, He was with you.
But through that the gift of that ministry, I was able to kind of it was like a facilitated encounter, where I was able to, I learned how to leave the room and just quiet my soul and just ask God questions, and see where Holy Spirit led me. And He's so good. He's so good. He's not gonna He's not going to do anything that's gonna freak you out or like, He's so gentle. He's not going to go anywhere you're not ready for but through that, He completely set me free from PTSD. Like since that ministry, I haven't had a single episode of PTSD. I haven't had a single panic attack. It's just incredible. So I credit all of this to Him. Nobody but Jesus, not even the ministry.”
“So first of all, like, get alone with no distractions. I call that a secret place, get alone with no distractions. It can literally be a closet. I know some people who have an actual prayer closet. I am the only one in my apartment. So it's my living room. I will just either be completely silent without music and just say, Lord, I know you're here. Thank you for being here. Thank you, Jesus, that I don't have to strive to enter your presence. Thank you, Jesus.
The Bible says we have the confidence to enter the throne room of God, because of the blood of Jesus. So literally, we're his kids and all we have to do is say, Jesus, thank You that I can approach you and not be afraid. I can approach you because you call me innocent because of Jesus' blood. All you have to do is just say, Wow, Jesus. I know you're here.”
“I've been on quite the adventure. The Holy Spirit ended up leading me into this missionary journey, where I got to learn his voice, so crystal clear and learn how to depend on him as my sole provider. There was more healing. He taught me my identity in Him as a daughter of God, and led me to ministry school I did a year at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry that I did. I did a year at the Bethel Conservatory For The Arts For Acting. He led me to Greenville, South Carolina, where I just moved to last July. And in here, the last, probably six months to a year, I've been working on relaunching a website under the same name as the website I used to have for just Rachel.
While I was on the road as a missionary, the Holy Spirit said, I want you to teach the gospel through fitness. I was like, wow, yes, absolutely. What on earth does that mean? What does that mean? So I've been on this journey where he's been teaching me that the journey of fitness is actually a journey of discipleship. If you look at I think it's gosh, I need to have this totally memorized. But it's Hebrews I think, Hebrews 12 it says, throw off everything that entangles and look to the author, for Jesus, brand new race with endurance. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith who for the joy, joy, endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God, consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
Innately by the Spirit of God, from the beginning, our bodies need exercise. He didn't have to descend for us but he did. This is all a spiritual metaphor for looking to Jesus, who already went before us into the hard things, and because of the benefit ahead of him, why do we work out for the benefit ahead of us.”
I asked Rachel to pray for us before we ended our conversation and here is what was on her heart:
We love you so much. Thank you for loving us first. Thank you, God, for pursuing our hearts. Holy Spirit, we thank you for every single person listening. Father, I bless Kim and her ministry and her business God I bless her family and I bless everyone listening. Holy Spirit, I ask specifically for healing. Lord, that my testimony would carry the power of your Spirit and set people free.
Lord, we come against the lies in the name of Jesus. We break it off in Jesus' name. And I speak freedom and peace over their minds. A peace that passes understanding to guard their minds and hearts in Christ Jesus to us as we love you. Holy Spirit, I ask that you would move in their hearts or that you would give them dreams and visions to encounter who you are the man of light, the man of love, and the man of truth. Jesus, we love you. It's only by your name that we are set free.
Thank you, God, in your name we pray. Amen.”
"And I appeal to you, therefore brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God to present your bodies as a living sacrifice holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.” Romans 12:1
Fitness is an act of worship, we can either worship the creation or bodies, or we can worship the one who created it, and He has the answer that you're looking for. If you're trying to get fit, Jesus is the answer. In Him, you have everything you need.
I pray this conversation with Rachel has given you a desire to open your Bible and start putting Jesus into your fitness journey! You are Strong. Confident. His!
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